Coping With Parents as a University Student

You might have realized that in preparation of leaving home for university, your parents have started to act a bit weird – even weirder than usual. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one having to deal with crazed dads or overwrought mums – they’re just one pair out of millions to be seen acting up across the globe in the lead-up to their son or daughter flying the family nest.

This is all quite natural, the result of 18+ years of parental responsibility coming to an end and the time they realize you don’t need them anymore (or at least you don’t think you do). Nerves and normal behaviors are bound to be disrupted. Below are categories most, if not all, parents of university students can be put into; which stereotype best describes your parents, and how are you coping?

The helicopter parents

Seeing a son or daughter leave home for university can be a tough time for the helicopter parents, not least because there will no longer be anyone around to lecture about chores or to create revision timetables for. But don’t think that this is the end of your torment, as the helicopter parents will still find ways of smothering you at university, whether through daily catch-up FaceTime sessions or monthly visits where you’ll have to give up your bed, since they didn’t think it necessary to book a hotel.

How to cope: In order to tone down the helicopter parents’ behavior, remain calm and tell them you need some space in order to make the most out of your time as a university student, and to gain your independence. Recognize that they’re just trying to help (in their own special way) and reassure them that you’re fine and staying on top of studies. (What are they going to do, ground you?!)

The laidback parents

Although the laidback parents are the type that everybody hopes to be confronted with on arrival in the labor ward, they also have their faults. Starting your new life as a university student may be a big deal for you, but the laidback parents, so calm and grounded from years of not worrying excessively or stressing unnecessarily about your upbringing, may not be as helpful during your send-off as you’d hoped. Phrases uttered may include, “You can drive yourself there, can’t you?”, “Are you sure you need me to help you pack?” and “Which university is it you’re going to again?”

How to cope: To try and get them a bit more engaged, politely ask if they will help you with a few things and perhaps come with you on moving day to make the move less stressful for you. Chances are, when you move out they’ll start to miss you and make themselves more available for you when you need them – especially if you let them know you do.

The overly emotional parents

This is stereotypically more associated with mothers, but fathers can be just as sensitive too! The overly emotional parents will give you watery, tearful grief from day one of your university plans, maybe even right up until the last tear-stained minute of your graduation day. And, if you intend to return home in between graduating and leaving home again to start professional work, get ready for still more parental grieving. This is sometimes called ‘empty nest syndrome’ and comes when mothers and fathers realize they are no longer ‘needed’ as they used to be, and no longer feel of use in the same way.

How to cope: To help your parents overcome this grief, you’ll need to make sure they know that you still care, and that they can still be an important part of your life now that you’re a university student. After all, who’s bailing you out of your money problems when your student loan gets delayed? Who’s doing your semester-old washing when you go home for Christmas? Who’s answering teary phone calls at 1AM when you’re stressing about exams? Your mum and dad, that’s who.

The Facebook-stalking parents

We’ve all been there, the day we finally give in and accept the 50th friend request from either of our parents. Beware: often just one parent is all that’s needed to give full parental access to your Facebook world of ironic rhetorical statuses and compromising photos. This parental account (shared because neither of them knows how to log off anyway) will now be used as the primary method of publicly embarrassing you in front of all your new university Facebook friends (how important this is to you, we cannot say). And they thought you’d be pleased that they’re getting the hang of this technology malarkey…

How to cope: To put a stop to this embarrassment, either laugh it off – everyone else is! – or kindly tell them that if they want to chat, maybe they could send a private message? Or maybe an old-fashioned text?

The ‘trying so hard to be cool’ parents

This stereotype spans the full range of older parents, younger parents and those in the middle; the ‘trying so hard to be cool’ parents are more common than you might think. These parents, after years of demanding your respect and reverence, are coming to terms with the fact that you’re now becoming an adult in your own right. This levels the playing field somewhat and means that parents have to up their game; they really have to convince you to spend time with them and share your life from now on. Unfortunately, some parents take this as a cue to start ‘acting cool’ and go to any lengths to make you their buddy.

How to cope: To nip this in the bud… hang on? You want your parents to stop liking you for you, after years of having to do everything they told you? After years of having to respect and agree with them on all bases, you’re finally getting their genuine respect and admiration? And now your parents actually want to do things with you because they want to, not because they’re responsible for you. And they’re still offering to pay for dinner? You want to stop this?! Maybe you should have a rethink…

The actually cool parents

These only come round once in a blue moon, but, if you look hard enough, you’ll probably find a glimpse of them in your own parents, whether they’re overly emotional, overbearing or just a little bit irritating. The cool parents are the ones who take you to Ikea to buy a toaster, drive you to your new halls of residence without complaining about traffic, visit you once a semester without voicing their opinions about the state of your kitchen, and stop you from dropping out of university after splitting up from your fresher’s fling.

How to cope: In order to keep the actually cool parents around for a bit longer, be grateful, be nice, be unassuming and remember that the relationship works both ways.