Last year, Italy’s highest court of appeal ruled stealing tiny amounts of food was not a crime if done to fend off hunger. Only a few months later, another Italian court allowed a divorced father struggling financially to pay child support to his ex-wife in the form of pizza.
Basically, at the risk of sounding trite, Italians take nourishment very seriously. If, like us and the Italians, you’re a food and wine fanatic, you’ll understand how distressing it is to see misguided food bloggers and amateur chefs ruin classic Italian foods. Here are eight foodie mistakes people need to stop making in 2017.
1. Inventing pizza burgers, lasagna sandwiches and other monstrosities
Nope. No. Just…no. Pizza burgers are an egregious abuse of Italian gastronomy. That goes for any other fast food hybrids of Italian cuisine too.
2. Keeping cheese in a plastic wrap… *gasps*
Classic rookie mistake. As you’ll know, keeping your cheese in a plastic wrap just means you’re permeating your cheese with the taste and scent of plastic…
3. Putting red wine or fresh mozzarella in the fridge…just no
In life, there are two distinct sorts of people: those who are happy to eat rubber and drink vinegar and those who never refrigerate their mozzarella or their red wine.
Like wine, fresh mozzarella must never be refrigerated. The creamy luscious cheese that would normally melt onto your plate turns into latex after it’s been chilled, while your leftover red wine turns into an undrinkable vinegar.
4. Constantly misusing basic Italian words like pepperoni
Order a pepperoni pizza in Italy and, as we’re sure you know, you’ll be served a pizza with bell pepper toppings. People who confuse pepperoni with salame are the absolute worst.
5. Spaghetti in a tin is a crime against Italy
There’s absolutely no excuse to eat spaghetti from a tin, unless it’s war-time or a period of post-Brexit rationing. Tossing a handful of spaghetti in a pan of boiling water and improvising a pesto or garlicky tomato sauce is easy as pie (if anything, it’s actually easier than making a pie).
6. There’s no reason for pre-grated, bagged cheese to exist. None
Pre-grated cheese is an assault against beauty. Besides all the added ingredients manufacturers often add to pre-grated cheese to prevent it from caking, like cellulose (basically wood pulp) and potato starch, pre-grated cheese often grows moldy at the speed of light.
7. Chicken carbonara, chicken parmesan, fettuccine alfredo, spaghetti with meatballs? No, grazie
None of these recipes are actually Italian. Italians aren’t in the habit of mixing carbs or of adding chicken and beef meatballs to their pasta. Also, any recipe for pasta alla carbonara sauce which contains anything but eggs, lard and pecorino cheese is indecent and undignified.
8. Sprinkling parmesan on spaghetti alle vongole
A cardinal rule of Italian cooking: never add grated cheese to fish or seafood. Madonne!
For a delightful roundup of some of the best angry comments left by Italians on the Internet, we recommend you follow the hilarious Twitter account, @ItalianComments.