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A Completely Accurate Prediction of Everything That Will Happen on A-Level Results Day

A Completely Accurate Prediction of Everything that Will Happen on A-Level Results Day main image

It all comes down to this. Whether you and your friends get into your dream university or not will be decided on Thursday morning when you all receive your A-level results. For some of you, it will be good news and a raucous evening spent celebrating, for others it will be bad news, a nervous day spent finding a place through clearing and an evening spent trying to have a good time and failing abysmally.

You might have to wait a bit longer before you receive your actual results, but we can spoil some of the surprise ahead of time for you. Here’s a foolproof prediction of everything that will happen on results day.

You wake up and the group chat is already kicking off

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It’s not even 8am yet and it seems everyone is either frantically updating UCAS Track trying to find out if they’ve got into their chosen uni or figuring out what they should wear to collect their results. Oli is trying way too hard to cover up his nerves by making a joke every 10 seconds. You try and join in but get buried in among a sea of emojis and in-jokes you'd need to scroll up to fully understand.

Mum keeps fussing over you while you’re trying to have breakfast

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If anything, she’s more nervous than you and it’s really not helping. You eat as quickly as normal so you can get back upstairs and out of her way.

Tim won’t shut up about how he’s got into Cambridge

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UCAS Track has finally updated. How do you know? Because within 20 seconds, Tim has started humblebragging about how he can’t believe he’s got into Cambridge and doesn’t deserve it at all and it’s completely mad and he can’t believe it and wow. Nobody replies, apart from Sarah who simply says “That’s nice Tim x”.

You check UCAS Track and...

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You’re in! Time to exhale. You shout the good news down the stairs to your mum, which prompts her to ask you to repeat it at least twice before she then runs upstairs two-at-a-time and gives you a massive hug. Yeah, she’s not going to be embarrassing at school AT ALL.

You spend 15 minutes figuring out the best way to post your good news on Snapchat

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How do you share the news without looking arrogant or cocky? What filter to use? After 27 aborted attempts, you eventually decide to leave it. The risk of coming across like Tim is just too high.

Alice WhatsApps to ask if you’ve checked your results yet

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This is why everyone loves Alice. Rather than risk embarrassing you in front of everyone else in the group chat, she’s messaged privately to make sure you’re OK. You tell her the good news and ask how she did, even though it’s pointless. There’s no way Alice hasn’t done amazingly well, she’s LITERALLY perfect.

Mum drives you to school to collect your actual results

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Admittedly, it takes longer than expected because she had to turn around and go back for the family digital camera halfway through the journey (why can’t she learn to take photos on her phone like a normal person?). She also Mum promises she’s not going to be an ‘uncool’ parent, which is hilarious. Nice try mum. Don’t worry though, you’re nowhere near as uncool as you could be.

You bump into Sarah, whose results were so good she's in the local paper

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So this is why she was silent in the group chat all morning. Turns out Sarah and a few of the other straight-A girls had to come in an hour earlier so they could jump in the air holding their results and pose for the cliched “results day photograph” in the local newspaper. You make a mental note to check how hilariously awful the picture looks when your parents get the paper.

Oli gets way too over-excited by his extremely average two Bs and a C

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Poor Oli. Having spent all exam season getting super stressed, he’s scraped the bare minimum he needs to get into university and just can’t contain his excitement. Unleashing a guttural “Come On!”, he races around the school car park high-fiving anyone who will stick a hand out for him. His dad, however, looks…unimpressed.

Everyone in your group gets the results they needed…except for Faye

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Well, this puts the spanner in the works. Just as you think it’s good news all around, Faye appears with tear-stained cheeks to tell everyone she missed out on the A she needed by under 10 marks. The previously planned BBQ at her parents’ house is cancelled, while she goes off to find a teacher, call clearing and discuss her options. You give her a supportive hug goodbye but it doesn’t quite feel like enough…

Your mum insists on a completely cringe photo of you and your friends

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With everyone still reeling from Faye’s bad news, mum turns up to ask if she could get a photo of you with everyone in front of the school sign. You grit your teeth and pose as she takes what feels like a dozen different photos (does she really need to be that zoomed in?). Once she’s done, you politely suggest she can go home now as you and your friends are going to go into town but she insists you call every living relative and tell them the news before she leaves you.

In town ‘celebrating’, Simon gets ID’d and has to go home

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Poor Simon, it can’t be easy still being under 18 on A-level results day. While it was easy enough to get him drinks during the day, it becomes impossible to blag him past the bouncers in the evening and he’s forced to take an early night. At least it’s his birthday next week.

Faye eventually rejoins the group, having got a place through clearing at Sheffield

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OK, it’s not Durham but it’s still a good university, right? She doesn’t seem convinced. Sarah buys her a few shots to try and improve her mood.

The remaining hours are a blur but your Snapchat story is WILD

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Is there a bar you didn’t go to? Where did that traffic cone come from? Why did you seemingly spend half an hour posing for selfies with Jamal, you barely know him? These questions, and many more, will all come to mind when you try and piece the night together from your camera roll the next day.

Feeling hungry…kebab?

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You need food. Desperately. Can’t go home like this. Parents will be mad. Kebab or chips? Kebab or chips? Kebab or chips? Both???

Time for an emotional group hug

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You’ve had Smirnoff Ice get in your hair, your phone has died and you’ve lost the jacket you were wearing earlier but none of this matters. The night may be over, but there’s still time for one last big group hug, a few alcohol-induced tears and drunken promises to obviously stay in touch and still be best mates even though you’re all going to different universities. Surely, nothing at university is going to be better than this…right?

Lead image: City of Stoke on Trent Sixth Form College (Flickr)

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Written by Craig OCallaghan
As editor of TopUniversities.com, Craig oversees the site's editorial content and network of student contributors. He also plays a key editorial role in the publication of several guides and reports, including the QS Top Grad School Guide.

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