Five Steps to Killing Your Long-Distance Relationship

By Vickie Chiu Updated Aug 14, 2024

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Introduction
1) Strike a 1:9 balance between your beau and your new friends
2) Talk excessively about your study abroad experiences
3) Obsess over how long you’ve been apart for
4) Let your green-eyed monster roar
5) Become a hermit during your long-term relationship (for the sake of your partner)

Five Steps to Killing Your Long-Distance Relationship

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I admit, a study abroad blog may not be your typical forum for this sort of topic. However, as study abroad opportunities become increasingly open and available to students, one would assume that more and more students are finding themselves in long-distance relationships than ever before*.

Whether it’s going for an exchange semester or committing to a full three to four years overseas, how you handle the separation can determine whether your long-distance relationship ends with "happily ever after" or "why the hell did I bother"? (Some may argue that both are awful scenarios, so pick your poison wisely!)

As (once) a young international student with first-hand experience in killing a long distance relationship myself, here are some sure-fire ways of ruining everything.

Warning: Results may vary according to relationship. TU takes no responsibility for any potential heartache (aww), hostile friends, facial disfigurement or broken limbs.

1) Strike a 1:9 balance between your beau and your new friends

‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is extremely applicable here. Spending 90% of your time with your new-found friends and only checking in with your beau sporadically should definitely kill at least 20% of the relationship.

NB: If getting in touch with your significant other is beginning to feel like a chore, you’re on the right track.

2) Talk excessively about your study abroad experiences

Relay every excruciating detail of your study abroad exprience to your partner who is on the other side of the world. Which fabulous person did you meet at which amazing place again? You stayed out until what time? Who said that extremely funny thing? Carry on like this and your partner will definitely not be able to relate to any of your experiences, therefore start to feel extremely alienated and out of touch with you. Goodbye another 20%.

3) Obsess over how long you’ve been apart for

Do you find yourself saying the following? :

a) “Only 301 days until we see each other honey!" (Followed by big sigh.)

b) “OMG we have not spoken for like, half an hour! What’s wrong with us?”

Anything resembling the above is extremely destructive to the relationship. If your next meeting seems like an eternity away, obsessing about it will definitely make it seem longer, therefore making you seem needier. Also, think about how long you’re actually away from each for; are you blowing it out of proportion? Is two weeks away from your partner really the end of the world? Obsession is definitely a turn-off; add an extra dose of crazy to bring your relationship another 20% closer to destruction.

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4) Let your green-eyed monster roar

You’re almost there! Nothing is uglier than jealousy, especially when mixed with a unhealthy dose of paranoia. To bring your long distance relationship closer to disaster, try asking your partner questions such as:

“Who were you with last night? Name every member of the opposite sex and give a reason for their presence…”

“On a scale of 1-10, how attractive is your lab partner?”

“Who is that in your bedroom? I don’t care if it’s the cleaning lady, what have you been doing behind my back?”

Another 20% bites the dust.

5) Become a hermit during your long-term relationship (for the sake of your partner)

The final 20% takes real dedication. If your partner is the one asking all the questions listed in point four (see above) and you’d like give your long distance relationship the final kiss of death, I would suggest taking a passive aggressive approach. Try to do nothing but pine after your beau, then blame them for the fact that you have no life of your own. This will go down a storm as they will feel awful about themselves, while you walk away from the relationship as a singleton once again.

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