Choosing a University With Your Parents: What to Remember

It’s likely that many prospective students and their parents don’t agree on much. But, judging from the turnout at the QS World University Tour in London last weekend, it’s obvious that a large number agree on the importance of choosing a university that is right for them.

Choosing a university to spend the next three or four years at can be an overwhelming experience, and so the last thing you’ll want is your dad leaning over your shoulder denouncing the brickwork of the student union as you read up on a promising university’s prospectus. Nor do you want your mum batting her eyelashes at the university’s representative when you’re trying to find out about the sports societies on offer. 

What many students do want however (as well as a lift to university fairs and open days), is a bit of back-up when going to university events full of admissions representatives. When attending alone or with a friend it’s all too easy to sneak off early for a coffee and a Flappy Birds session, but with mum and/or dad there you know you’ll be forced to get enough important information before you’re allowed to step back outside into the daylight.

Despite this, as a teenager about to live away from home most likely for the first time, you’ll need them on your side. Here are a few reasons why you shouldn’t shout at them when they gently question your own perspective on what matters when choosing a university.

Your parents really do “only want what’s best for you”

You’ve heard this a million times and you know deep down that it’s true. When your parents tell you they’ve got your best interests at heart, they’re almost certainly not lying. When I asked one prospective student’s mother what she thought about her son going to university, she said; “I just want him to have all the best opportunities in life and not to be held back by anyone. I’ll be sad when he does [leave home] but it’s for the best.” And she did mention something about the house being tidier with him gone, but that was just a joke!

Obviously all parents aren’t quite so laidback. Some might be sceptical about study abroad programs or they may be dubious about your plans for attending veterinary college or going off to study something they’ve never heard of before like digital media or interactive arts. In this case you’ll need to remain calm and present your case to them, letting them know you’ve done your research and concluded that it this is still what you want to do. Sometimes, all parents need is to be assured that you’re serious about your education and career goals.

They want you to have fun just as much as anyone!

Although you might view them as living, breathing “fun sponges”, you might be surprised to realize that your parents (probably) want nothing more than for you to go off, have fun and live your life to the full. The fact that they are helping you make your decision in choosing a university and following you around to these open events, means that they are as concerned as you are in regards to your future.

And, as much as you don’t want to hear it, your parents were also young once and there’s a fair chance that fun isn’t a foreign concept to them – although it may seem like that when they’re sat watching The One Show when they could be enjoying The Wire.

More than a few parents I spoke to at the London World University Tour event proved this. Liam Green’s mum said this: “I should think good support services, good facilities and a good reputation are important but also yes, I guess it does have to be a fun place to live… uni is all about the experience as well. It was never an option for me or my siblings but nowadays everyone’s doing it. It’s sort of like a rite of passage.”

You might actually miss them too

You may think going to university will be all sunshine and light (if ‘sunshine’ means ‘all nighters’ and ‘light’ means ‘jagerbombs’), but I’m sad to say it won’t be. There’ll be times when work is piling up and you’ve spent all day alone in your dingy student room revising, when all you’ll want to do is go home for a nutritious home-cooked meal and a sympathetic parental ear. And, if you haven’t even so much as texted your mother since starting university a month ago, then you’ll appreciate why she might be a little frosty when you finally do get in touch out of the blue.

It might seem like a hassle, but if you arrange a regular time to call home each week, either by phone, Skype, Facetime or whatever, you’ll keep your parents happy as well as yourself. After all, even though student life may be unpredictable and awesome, home is still home, and the dull stuff –your dad’s back problems, sick pets, annoying relatives, that sort of thing – will help to keep you grounded while maintaining important family relationships.

And you might need to be bailed out by them at some point

There are many things that you may need to be bailed out of in the early days of university, for instance when you realize too late that you probably should’ve budgeted properly and not spent the majority of your first installment of student loan on clothes and in the student union.

The easiest and most sensible option is to phone home to ask for help, even if this sounds like a horrible idea. The last thing a newly independent student needs is his parents saying “we told you so”, but it’s likely that this won’t happen. What they might do is berate you a little bit, but this is to be expected.

After the trauma of having to tell them, your parents are likely to help you out – either with some money to tide you over or some advice to keep you healthy and happy while you try to live off of $5 a week. They’ll probably be able to help you budgeting better for future terms– after all, they’ve been paying bills a hell of a lot longer than you have.

What you’ve got to remember is that just because you admit to needing some help, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed in being independent. Going to university is a learning curve and becoming mature enough to handle money, relationships, studies and whatever else is an ongoing thing that your parents are there to help with.

Lastly, they’re probably right

Finally: the majority of what your parents tell you is probably quite wise, so do try to listen to them before flying off the handle or retreating for a two-hour sulk!